Worst Nightmare..!

My friend was getting married that night, but my sole reason for attending the wedding was to meet her. I was sure she would definitely attend the wedding despite going through a rough time in her personal life, after-all she was bride's best friend. A common friend had told me that she was going through a tough time for the past few weeks. Perhaps the reason she had switched to smoking and drinking. A few were of the opinion that she has even started taking drugs. I was shocked when I first heard  all this about her and the only thought that kept in my mind was How could she?? My heart didn't wanted me to believe what I was hearing but I wasn't hearing from any stranger, as I was informed by a common friend who too was worried for her and I had to believe him at-least to a certain extent. Moreover, she wasn't answering my phone calls and not even replying to my numerous messages. Something was wrong really wrong and it was making me desperate. I had to find out the truth and the reason behind it at any cost.

She and I became classmates during the final stages of our school life and by the time we left school we had become good friends to an extent. Once the school was over we the group of eight friends including her and me met once in a month or so. This was the time I met her. We both were not the best of buddies but we both did shared a bond of affection, respect and a sense of caring. Apart from these meetings we would have an occasional phone call sometimes to wish good luck for an exam or on a festival. With everyone in our group choosing different career paths the occasional get together of our school time friend group had become less frequent and lately whenever we all met there were always couple of members or even more missing as either they were not in town or were busy with prior commitments. I had opted for engineering and later joined the banking industry after graduation. Whereas she wanted to study and explore the world of research and hence, opted for a research fellowship programme in one of the top universities. Once she became the research fellow I hardly saw her. Her father too got transferred to south India and so her parents shifted their and hence her visits back to the city became rare. She only came to attend some important functions like marriages of her close friends.Yes there were phone calls between us but they were very rare. With time we both had moved on in life like everybody else.


As I entered the wedding hall all my eyes were looking for was her. I met a few old friends and before anything else I only asked them about her. If at all they had seen her. One of them told me that she had seen her with the bride. As I heard this, I excused myself and left for the bride's room. The bride room was filled with her friends and they were busy clicking pictures, after a quick look around the room I realised that she had left the room, maybe to eat something. I didn't met the bride, for me that had become secondary and I too left the room. I started looking for her throughout the wedding hall but wasn't able to trace her down. I was still wandering and looking for her I finally saw her sitting alone in a corner. I hadn't met her for over a year now, but she had definitely lost weight and her face had lost the charm. As I approached her, her face looked gloomy and reflected tension. Seeing her like that, lost somewhere in her thoughts, it was hard for me to control my feelings for her. With trembling voice I called her name and waived a Hello..! towards her. She got back to her senses, realised where she was and replied a cautious Hi..! to me.

I gathered my courage and before she could say anything else, I sat across the round table she was sitting. I could clearly read at the effort she was putting in to keep a smiling face in front of me. Another thing I noticed was that she was not at all having an eye contact with me. It was the time for me. I had to ask it, know the reason and if possible provide the remedy too. I asked her "What happened??" She looked into my eyes, perhaps realising that I know what she has been up-to for the past couple of months and then she broke down. It becomes a necessity to cry sometimes and for her I feel that was the moment. It took me sometime to calm her down, and given the place we were in it had to be as quick as it could have been. Once she became normal, she told me the reason behind her such behavior. She was in a relationship with one of her colleague from past year or so who had instilled in her the habit of occasional drinking and smoking. Though she knew that it was wrong and wanted to resist it initially but couldn't say no to him as she loved him dearly and found nothing wrong in occasional drinking. One day when he found his boyfriend cheating on her, she felt broken and couldn't believe what was happening to her. She had become emotionally attached to him to a great extent and looked at him as his soulmate, but he never looked at her that way. This broke her to a great extent and she switched to alcohol as a remedy to it. A week later her parents died in an accident and being their only child she was left alone in this big world. This broke her completely and she indulged herself more and more into alcohol. This was the time she was introduced to another bad habit of drugs by one of her alcoholic mates. She had switched from alcohol to drugs. When she received the invitation to this wedding, she was coming back from a visit to a psychological consultant, a friend of hers had taken her to him. He wanted her to get out of the depression badly and had insisted her to be attend the wedding as it would provide the necessary change for her.

It took me sometime to come to terms with what she had told me. I felt bad very bad for her and cursed myself for not being there for her when she was alone. We ate dinner together, she hardly ate anything. I dropped her at the hotel where she was staying. While coming back I was wondering what should I do know. I called her best friend from school days Pari who was also a good friend of mine and told her everything. She was also shocked just like me and was worried for her. We decided to meet her in the morning and take her to the psychiatrist the next morning. I took the appointment next morning and reached the hotel. Pari was already there with her.


After a brief conversation we went to the doctor. Once she came out of the doctor's cabin she looked better and this relieved me and Pari. The doctor later told us that she shouldn't be left alone and she shouldn't go back till he advises to do so. I inquired whether she would be able to bounce back?? How much time would it take?? The doctor told us that it would take time perhaps couple of months or even more depending on the strength my friend shows. But yes she would be absolutely fine. The assurance of the doctor came as a big relief for us. After a lot of discussion it was decided that she would stay with Pari till she has gets alright. Though my friend didn't wanted this and insisted to go back yet we did not let that happen.We informed her research guides about her current medical state and applied for medical leave which his guide agreed to.

It took her eight months to recover fully. It was a tough time for all of us specially for her but she showed the needed strength and with our support she finally overcame which was perhaps the biggest struggle for her life till date. Sometimes one completely looses the sense of right and wrong and one bad decision leads to another and in the end you are left with darkness only darkness. Now she has recovered fully and is perusing her research happily and has even been shortlisted for the student exchange programme in collaboration with a German university. Now we talk more often and when that is not possible we make sure that we do exchange a couple of messages during the day. Its the era of communications and when it comes to the people you care one has to make sure we use it.Pari is now happily married and I make sure to meet her whenever I am in town. Those eights months have strengthen the bond between Pari and me and I have started respecting a lot more.As far as I am concerned I can never forget those days, it was my worst nightmare. Though I have moved on in life but that incident has instilled a habit of keep pinging my friends every now and then, even though its a mere Hello...! It makes a difference.





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The Reply...!

It all started with a phone call. I had purposely left away my mobile that evening when I left for a walk alone. I had started going for long walks whenever I wanted to get some me time and from the past two weeks it has become a daily routine. It acted as a stress buster for me. Whenever I went for such walk I made sure I didn't carry my mobile phone along. At-last I had started doing what my mother wanted me to do, give some rest to my eyes. She was right, my job was such I had to be glued to the computer  screen throughout the working hours and when I was not working I was using my mobile.



The phone call was answered by my mother, she had finally learned how to answer calls on smartphones. But she was still of the opinion that the basic mobile phones were a better choice than these high end mobile phones. She had no clue that the phone call would have such effects, if she had the slightest of the clues she wouldn't have answered it. Even before the call was disconnected she had tears in her eyes. It had only been two months that finally after two years of her persuasion I had agreed to fulfill her only wish, I had brought her to the city where I worked. Being a single mother it was always going to happen, its not that I never wanted this to happen but I had delayed it as much as I could because I wanted to live a bachelor's life and I was happy that I had finally agreed.

Bringing her along meant happiness for her and for me too. I finally could do away with trying different dhabas and tiff-in suppliers as a source of my daily meals. It felt good too that finally someone was waiting for me at home. Life had changed and a sense of responsibility had been instilled in me. I finally said good bye to clumsy way of my life after two long years which I thoroughly enjoyed. Living with my mother meant that I had to get used to a routine that included an early morning walk, a daily visit to the temple and spending time doing things which she wanted and I liked it. It helped me to change the monotonous life which I was leading from past two years.

When I had spent a year and a half with my organisation an opportunity came along my way, my organisation required a handful of young staff to work in their offshore locations for a tenure of two years. It sounded good as it meant two years of fun, that was my initial reaction. And why wouldn't it have been that way, though I loved my work place yet I was getting bored because of the monotony and I wanted a change. Without giving it a second thought I applied and even days after applying I wasn't sure whether I would shortlisted or not.

Few months later my mother came to live with me and my life changed for good. Only here presence provided the change I was looking for. Once she came along my rented place started looking like a home and I was no longer looking for a change in my work location. She provided the much needed stability to my otherwise an unstable life and I had find happiness in the same previously a boring life for me.


When I came back from walk that day, my mother had prepared tea by then. She looked a little disturbed, I thought it must be because of the soaring temperatures of this city which she was still not used to. It was over tea my mother handed me my phone and told me that my HR manager had given me the call. I looked at her and she continued "You never told me that you have applied for a transfer , that too so far?? She couldn't speak more and she started crying. I consoled her and told her everything , she heard me calmly and told me to do what I want. My HR manager had requested a call back from me. I called him up and he gave me the news that I have been provisionally shortlisted as one of the probable for the offshore assignment. I had been given a night's time to decide if I wanted to go or stay back, he hung up telling me to reply him in the morning before office hours.

That night was a pretty long one. My mother had become normal then. After dinner we had discussions and a lot of them. She wanted me to do what I want but she never wished to go back home and lead that same life again. She had lived alone for years and didn't wanted to lead the same life again. For me, I was not sure whether I really wanted to go as I had already got the change I wanted in my life but missing such an opportunity could be big loss just at the start of my career and working in an off shore location was something personally I could only dream of. At the same time I never wanted to leave my mother alone again. I was unsure about what I really wanted to do and my mind wandered considering both the options and the possibilities of where they would lead me to. I hardly slept that night and I can say the same for my mother too.

I had to call my HR manager with my with my answer. He had given a night only to decide my fate but I wasn't able to decide it till the morning. I hardly talked with my mother that morning. I could clearly see the tension on her face. She dared the fact that I would leave her and run after the opportunity. After breakfast I decided to call my HR manager seeking a day more for my reply he awaited, as I picked up my phone and dialed him I remembered the happy face of my mother, the precious moments that we both shared in the last couple of months came before my eyes and I had tears of joy in my eyes. As the call was connected I had decided what I wanted to do and hence, what my reply was going to be, finally I had realised where my happiness was....!

  

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A lesson learned...!

One morning I woke up feeling uncertain about myself as if I have nothing left worth living for. It was early morning and an unusual start of the day for me. I don't even remember the last time when I woke up this early, I had developed a habit of sleeping late very late at night that meant I would wake up as late as possible in the morning. Previous night was just like any other night with an hour of gaming on my laptop followed by a Hollywood movie, The Social Network was the choice last night. Everything was usual and I went off to sleep after that.



As it was pretty early morning and everyone else at home was fast asleep except my granny. I told her that I am going for a walk in a nearby park and would be back in an hour or two and I left to breathe some fresh air. Of late the city had become so much polluted and congested one only breath polluted air and I hated it. I never thought I would feel like this but gradually I have started to hate everything about the city. The traffics to pathetic conditions of the roads  the over population and above all the concrete jungle. The development at the cost of destroying nature is not at all development.





I had barely left my home I met an old friend. We used to study together but he dropped out of school
at a young age and joined his father's business. I was in touch with him for a few years more but then I moved  out of the city for better future prospects and left track of not only him but most of my school time friends. In a city like ours with lesser quality higher education and career opportunities youngsters have no choice but to leave home for a brighter future. While interacting with him I came to know that he had married his childhood friend from another religion and was a proud father of a baby girl. He had shifted his home as the neighbors were making life difficult for his family after his inter religion marriage which was supported by the couple's family. They had absolutely no problem with them getting married and leading a happy married life. He told me that he was happy with what he did and what he achieved in life but feels bad the way his neighbor reacted on his marriage. It felt great meeting him, I too was happy for him and I left on my way promising him to drop by some time to his new place and meet his family and the little angel.


On my way further I came across a very old lady. On observing closely I recognized her. She lived in my neighborhood. I have been seeing her for many years now and apart from a walking stick that accompanied her everywhere she goes, she hasn't changed at all. She was unlike any other old lady in my neighborhood. Her husband was an ex-army officer who had died many years ago and her only child had been married of to a software developer in US. She lived alone but no one has ever noticed her sad and gloomy. She would always greet everyone with a cheerful Namaste and had a constant smile on her face. She was on her way to the temple chanting the word OM  as always. She also had that constant smile on her face perhaps a sign that she was thanking her God for the life she has lived and by the look on her face I guess she was happy and satisfied with the life she had lived.

As it was still early morning there were very few people in the municipality park which turned into a jogger's park every morning and evening. There was a couple of meter wide concrete track which was made on the entire circumference of the park which helped the people to walk without disturbing the plants and flowers while they strolled. I started walking like many others. After a few minutes I heard someone calling my name from behind. He was an old fellow sitting on a bench and waving at me to come closer. As I went close to him he greeted me with a smile and asked me "How are you my son??" It took me a minute or two to realize who he was. I was meeting him almost after a decade and his physical appearance had changed a lot. His hair had turned grey, he was having a beard, started wearing spectacles and had lost a lot of weight. He was a teacher from my school days and I was amazed that he recognized me even after so many years. Later on he told me that he also was not sure who I was but took a guess. I sat with him and inquired about his life and family. He told me that he has retired and now is working with an NGO which teaches slum children who cannot afford education. He also confessed that though he never liked his job yet he never disrespected it and moreover there was a part of his job which he loved dearly, it was teaching. Now when he has retired and his children are doing well in their lives he has finally found meaning and purpose to his life and according to him this is what he always wanted to do in life.

The discussion then moved on to me. He said  "Leave me apart my son! I have lived my life and have no complaints about it.Tell me about yourself. Where have you been? What you did after school? What are you doing these days?" I told him everything from college life to my work experience and even my current confused frame of mind. He has known me from my childhood and perhaps this was the reason he understood my current confused mindset as well. He observed me for a while than told me that its good to be confused only if its for the right reason. He also advised me to keep looking for something new if you are not satisfied with what you have but be grateful to God that you have what many aspire to have and find happiness in it and never disrespect what you have. Before leaving he said "Remember, only a happy person can find satisfaction and there is nothing left to find if you can find satisfaction"



The sun was out when he left and the park had become crowded. I started on my way back to home thinking about what my teacher had said. He was absolutely right. Indeed I was after satisfaction but in search of it I had left behind my happiness.Though he wasn't satisfied with his job yet  he loved the teaching part of it and never disrespected his job. My friend also had dared to do a inter religion marriage and was happy with it, so was the old lady despite being all alone. They might not be satisfied with what they have in life but they are happy with whatever they have.These thoughts kept running in my mind throughout the day. Finally I had realized that before trying to find something better I should respect whatever I have and find happiness in it even though if its in bits and pieces. Perhaps that is where I was making the mistake and I had realized it. My thought process had changed after the realization and I vowed to be a better person by respecting what I have and find happiness first then run after satisfaction.

I had realized that "ONE HAS TO BE HAPPY FIRST THEN ONLY HE/SHE CAN FIND SATISFACTION."


 
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Sense of belongingness...!

When I started working I had the privilege of getting trained at the best training center my bank had to offer and perhaps by the best trainers available. Even after more than three years the memories haven't fainted at all and I remember everything distinctly. It was my first job like many other fellow colleagues. We were all excited about it but had no clue how it was going to be after-all the only thing we knew about banking was merely a place where u deposit and withdraw money.

Even before I reached the training center I had made up my mind to enjoy to the fullest and I did exactly that and had the time of my life. It was a 4 week long training programme a first of its kind. We were given an in depth knowledge of the organization and the banking sector as a whole but most of us hardly bothered, all we looked for was the mini coffee brakes during the lectures the fun filled computer lab classes the monsoon rains Kerala had to offer, the cricket and the Arabian sea followed by carom and table tennis till wee hours of the day.

Also during the training days I made friends rather good friends. Among them one was special really special friend nicknamed COMMITTED by me and I still call her that. We had a lot of things in common be it in music, movies, sports or even food that made us gel even a lot more. The bond has only got stronger with time.The bond was such that even before I could tell her she had sensed that I had started liking a girl within the training colleagues and she pointed out the exact girl too. I don't know how to express my feelings in words but I would not say that I had  a crush on her because I don't think crushes last such long and I still have he same feelings for her. Three long years have gone by but a smile comes on my face automatically even today when  calls me or texts me and I know for a fact that she also had similar feelings for me.

Getting trained at the apex institute also meant that I could get an one on one interaction with people who have spent their life with the bank and have seen it go places and in turn help them grow. While having an interaction with one such fabulous trainer cum mentor I asked him "What has been driving you for so long?" He looked at me, smiled and replied with his usual calmness "SENSE OF BELONGINGNESS" ,stopping momentarily he added "I belong to this organization and this organization belongs to me. The organization has provided me immense opportunities to grow and took care of me as a child. I am  because of this great organization only. Take your time to realize this and once you do you will never look back in life."

I feel my time has arrived to realize this that I am a part of this organization and if I cannot realize this even after putting my three long important years, then I should let it go and find a place where I belong where I have my SENSE OF BELONGINGNESS.



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What next.??

 
I sat down today to figure out what could be the main idea for my next blog I thought why not ask for a suggestion from someone.I asked my brother Ranpreet, he is that person in our family who has all the answers and solutions to anything and everything.With time he has become the go to man in trouble for not only me but almost all in the family,the reason he is referred as the VADDE VEERJI  ( BIG BROTHER) by the family members.On asking him to suggest me something he was at his usual best full of suggestions and enthusiasm.The suggestion ranged from something on movies to a writeup on cricket or even soccer.He also suggested to write something on our birthplace,Dehradun,a city he loves dearly but just another city for me or perhaps discuss something that changed my life forever.After a thorough discussion he left for his gym and still I wasn't sure about what to write.

An hour later while the quest was still on,my mobile beeped it was a ping on whatsapp again,I checked it out to know who had texted me. It was my one of my oldest friend Sandeep, but we friends preferred calling him Sandy.He had finally gone through my initial blogs.I ringed him up to know his reaction but instead of giving his reaction to the blog he was angry over the fact that it was him who came up with the idea of blogging and not Debu as I mentioned earlier.When he was done,he came straight to his point, all he wanted to know was the name of the expert referred to in my previous blog?Sandy has always been this way and we all love him for what he is.


But before I could ask him what he wanted to blog next he disconnected leaving me still wandering.An hour more had gone-by so I thought of taking a break and switched on my idiot box and all I did was to hop on from one channel to another,stopping occasionally for a song or a scene from an ongoing movie.Perhaps blogging isn't as easy as it may look like, I never thought it would be a cakewalk either. I knew it was going to be a hard task something I haven't done before but this time around I do really want to make a difference with my approach and I am truly determined and UP FOR THE HARD PART no matter how hard it is going to be.



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Expert's opinion....!

Every-time you start something new there are some expectations and anxiousness coupled with excitement.The moment I published my first blog I send the link to my blog to all my friends I wanted to know what was their take on it their feedback and if possible a neutral opinion from them.But a little later I realized what I really wanted was an expert's opinion from someone who not only knows me is fabulous at writing has sound knowledge of English language and is well aware of today's blogging world.




After a little brainstorming and I knew who was the expert was going to be.One of my ex English teacher from my school days was the answer.All I had to do was to ping her with little details of what I was looking for and the link to my blog.As always she was generous enough to not only go through my blog and provide me the expert's opinion I was looking for.

I do know for a fact I just another blogger with hardly any extra ordinary or gifted writing skills (something my expert wanted me to realize),the reason my friend Aasu is still skeptic about the idea of me blogging.

Another thing my expert told me that no one is a born writer you develop skills with time,its important to start and she was happy that I started blogging and who knows one fine day I might become a good blogger.

As I had already mentioned I am up for the hard part this time around and I would keep blogging come what may.

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